Shortcuts vs. Skill Sets: Why How We Cope Matters More Than Ever
In my recent Women In… interview with Jake White, co-founder of Vive 18, we unpacked something that sits at the core of so many struggles I see in leadership, wellness, and personal growth.
The difference between shortcuts and skill sets.
At first glance, a shortcut feels harmless. It promises quick relief. A way to take the edge off. A pause button when life feels heavy.
But shortcuts don’t actually solve the problem. They delay it.
Skill Sets, on the other hand, take time to build. They’re uncomfortable at first. They require repetition, awareness, and patience. But they create real resilience.
The shortcut culture we’re living in
Technology has reshaped the way we think. We live in a world of instant delivery, instant answers, and instant dopamine. If something feels uncomfortable, we’re conditioned to eliminate it quickly rather than understand it.
That mindset doesn’t stop at our phones. It shows up in how we cope.
Alcohol, drugs, numbing behaviors, scrolling, overworking, emotional avoidance. These are all shortcuts. They provide immediate relief without requiring us to build the skills needed to actually process stress, grief, or discomfort.
Jake calls this out clearly. Many substances are marketed and normalized in ways that obscure the reality that there is an addiction-for-profit model behind them. The more we reach for shortcuts, the less we learn how to regulate ourselves without them.
Personal example: stress and emotional relief
For years, alcohol was my shortcut.
After long days in leadership, high-stakes decisions, and constant pressure, a drink felt like relief. It helped me shut my brain off. It helped me “relax.” Or so I thought.
What it really did was delay emotional processing. Stress didn’t disappear. It showed up later as fatigue, irritability, anxiety, and burnout. I wasn’t building resilience. I was outsourcing it.
When I chose to live alcohol free, I didn’t suddenly feel calm all the time. In fact, the opposite happened at first. I had to learn skill sets I had avoided.
How to sit with discomfort.
How to regulate my nervous system.
How to rest intentionally instead of escaping.
How to feel emotions without numbing them.
Those skillsets took time. But they changed everything.
Professional example: leadership under pressure
This shortcut versus skill set dynamic shows up constantly in professional environments.
A shortcut leader avoids hard conversations. They micromanage instead of coaching. They use urgency, pressure, or fear to drive performance because it works quickly.
A skills-based leader slows down. They build emotional intelligence. They develop communication, trust, and accountability. Results may take longer, but they’re sustainable.
In my role leading a men’s professional hockey team, I see this clearly. You can’t shortcut culture. You can’t shortcut trust. You can’t shortcut resilience in athletes or staff.
The same is true for individuals. If alcohol or other substances are used to manage stress, leadership capacity eventually erodes. Decision-making suffers. Emotional regulation weakens. Burnout accelerates.
Why shortcuts feel tempting during hard moments
One of the most powerful parts of my conversation with Jake was around youth and early coping. If young people never learn skill sets for stress, boredom, grief, or failure, shortcuts become the default.
This doesn’t make someone weak. It makes them under-equipped.
Our world often gives people permission to do “whatever feels good” during hard times. But feeling good isn’t the same as healing. Relief isn’t the same as growth.
Skill Sets allow us to move through pain rather than around it.
Examples of skill sets that replace shortcuts
Instead of drinking to cope with stress:
• Breathwork or movement to regulate the nervous system
• Naming emotions rather than suppressing them
• Creating intentional rest routines
• Asking for support instead of isolating
Instead of avoiding hard conversations at work:
• Developing communication skills
• Setting boundaries
• Building feedback loops
• Practicing emotional regulation before reacting
Instead of numbing grief or loss:
• Allowing sadness to be felt
• Creating rituals to honor what was lost
• Writing, walking, or sitting with the discomfort
• Understanding that pain moves when it’s acknowledged
None of these are instant. That’s the point.
The long-term payoff
Jake’s message is not anti-fun or anti-pleasure. It’s pro-capacity. Pro-clarity. Pro-agency.
When we build skill sets instead of relying on shortcuts, we gain something far more valuable than momentary relief. We gain self-trust. We gain resilience. We gain the ability to face life as it is without needing to escape it.
In a world built for instant gratification, choosing skillsets is a quiet rebellion. One that pays dividends in leadership, health, relationships, and longevity.
That’s a message worth spreading.
If you care about the next generation, about leadership done well, or about your own growth, I encourage you to listen to my conversation with Jake White on Women In…. It might just change the way you think about how you cope and why it matters.
