Failure is BS

Not because things don’t go wrong. They do. A lot. But because of what we’ve been taught that word means.

Somewhere along the way, failure became this heavy, defining label. Like if something doesn’t work out, it says something about you. Your ability. Your worth. Your potential.

I don’t buy that.

What most people call failure is actually information. It’s feedback. It’s the moment where you get clear on what worked, what didn’t, and what needs to change. That’s not failure. That’s data.

Research supports this. Carol Dweck has spent decades studying how people think about success and setbacks. Her work on growth mindset shows that when you view challenges as opportunities to learn instead of proof that you’re not capable, your performance improves. Same situation, different story, completely different outcome.

The issue isn’t failure. It’s avoidance.

Avoiding the thing because it might not work. Staying in something safe because at least you know how it ends. Not taking the risk because you don’t want to get it wrong.

That’s what actually keeps people stuck.

There’s research from Harvard Business Review that shows high performers don’t fail less. They actually fail more. They just learn faster. They don’t make it personal. They make it useful.

Think about your own life. The moments that didn’t go according to plan. The ones that felt frustrating or disappointing at the time. Now look at what came from them. The pivots. The clarity. The decisions you made differently because of that experience.

That’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

In Chapter 9 of Rebellious Success, I write about this shift. When you stop labeling things as failure, you stop hesitating. You stop waiting for the perfect moment. You start moving. And that momentum changes everything.

If you want to make this real, try this exercise. Create what’s called a failure resume.

Write down the things that didn’t work out. The job you didn’t get. The opportunity that passed you by. The idea that fell flat. The moment you thought, “well that didn’t go how I planned.”

Then next to each one, write what you learned. What it led to. How it changed you.

There’s a researcher named Melanie Stefan who publicly shared her own “CV of Failures” to highlight what we don’t see behind success. Because the truth is, we’re all walking around comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

This exercise pulls back the curtain.

It shows you that you’re not behind. You’re building.

It also builds real confidence. Not the kind that comes from everything going right, but the kind that comes from knowing you can handle things when they don’t.

Failure isn’t the thing holding you back. The meaning you give it is.

So maybe the goal isn’t to avoid it. Maybe the goal is to use it.

Because the women who actually get where they want to go aren’t the ones who have it all figured out. They’re the ones who are willing to try, adjust, and keep going.