Being “Fake” at Work vs. Being Real (and Still Winning)
Let’s name something that most people feel but few want to say out loud.
There’s a version of professionalism that looks polished on the surface but feels hollow underneath. It’s the version where people perform, posture, and say what they think they should say. And here’s the uncomfortable truth: most people think no one notices.
They do.
Being “fake” in the business world rarely comes from bad intentions. It usually comes from fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of losing opportunity. Fear of not being enough. And ironically, the very thing people are trying to protect is often what gets quietly eroded over time: trust, credibility, and confidence.
On the flip side, being authentic, genuine, and yourself doesn’t mean oversharing, being reckless, or ignoring professional standards. It means alignment. It means your words, actions, values, and decisions aren’t constantly at odds with who you actually are.
And yes, you can still accomplish big career goals that way. In fact, it’s often the only way to do it sustainably.
The Real Difference People Feel (Even If They Don’t Say It)
When someone is being disingenuous, it often shows up as:
Saying yes when they mean no
Changing opinions depending on who’s in the room
Over-polishing language to avoid saying anything real
Chasing validation instead of clarity
Performing confidence instead of building it
When someone is authentic, it feels different:
Their words and actions match
They’re consistent, even when it’s uncomfortable
They don’t need to be the loudest voice to be heard
They’re grounded in who they are, not who they’re trying to impress
Neither version is perfect. But only one builds real trust over time.
This Is Really About Self-Confidence
At the root of authenticity is self-confidence. Not arrogance. Not bravado. Quiet confidence.
When you trust yourself, you don’t need to pretend.
When you know your value, you don’t need to perform.
When you’re secure, you don’t need to shape-shift to belong.
A lot of “fake” behavior is actually a confidence gap. People are trying to survive systems, cultures, or expectations they don’t feel safe challenging yet. That deserves empathy, not shame.
But awareness is where change begins.
How Do I Know If I’m Being Fake or Disingenuous?
This isn’t about labeling yourself. It’s about honest self-reflection.
Ask yourself:
Do I say things publicly that don’t align with what I say privately?
Do I avoid sharing ideas because I’m afraid of how they’ll land?
Do I feel drained after interactions because I’m constantly “on”?
Am I chasing approval more than alignment?
Do I recognize myself at work, or am I playing a role?
If some of these land, that’s not a failure. That’s awareness. And awareness is powerful.
Authenticity Doesn’t Mean You Stop Growing
Being yourself doesn’t mean staying the same. It means growing intentionally.
You can:
Be ambitious and authentic
Be professional and human
Be confident and curious
Be kind and still set boundaries
Some of the most effective leaders I know are deeply themselves and relentlessly committed to growth. They don’t fake confidence. They build it. They don’t perform values. They live them.
Practical Resources to Build Confidence and Authenticity
If this is something you want to work on, here are a few resources that help without turning it into a self-help spiral:
Books
Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
Atomic Habits by James Clear (behavior-first change matters here)
Podcasts
Huberman Lab (especially episodes on behavior change and identity)
Unlocking Us with Brené Brown
Women In… (yes, I’ll own that one)
Practices
Journaling one honest sentence a day: “What felt aligned today?”
Asking for feedback from someone who will tell you the truth
Making one small decision daily that reflects who you are, not who you think you should be
Final Thought
This can be a polarizing topic because it touches identity, fear, and belonging. But here’s what I’ve learned from years in leadership, sports, and business:
You don’t win long-term by pretending.
You don’t build trust by performing.
And you don’t lose opportunity by being real.
You gain clarity. You gain confidence. And you attract the right rooms instead of forcing your way into the wrong ones.
That’s not fake success.
That’s the kind that actually lasts.
